Hyderabad: Maternity and childbirth are not a novel, but a series of chapters. From swaying newborns on a sleepless night to waving goodbye at the school gate, from watching the teenager pack his schoolbag to college, and then one day, a child is going to go to college, work, and a new life, a suitcase full of people.
Each stage brings about the transformation of maternity and childbirth. The role of a mother moves quietly from everything she does for her child to doing nothing outside of waiting for the phone.
Mother’s Day is celebrated on the second Sunday of May each year, and the celebrations are often focused on the early joys of mothers and new mothers, but there is another side behind closed doors, marking distance, silence and adjustment. This distance, this bittersweet pride is what many mothers call empty nest syndrome, which is a deep emotional stage when children leave home to their own lives.
For housewife K. Rajyalakshmi, life changed the day her only son left Canada for her master’s degree. The house suddenly felt quiet in space. “I thought I was ready and we had been planning for months to shop for everything he needed. But when I hugged him bye bye at the airport, there was no preparation.”
Now, three months later, she felt comforted to hold his cricket bat in the corner, the poster on the wall, the items he left behind. I set an alarm for him every night to wake him up and I still keep his room the same way, just like he is coming back tomorrow. ”
Sujatha Prasanna is her 50s mother with two sons, one working in Mumbai and the other working in Bangalore. They both left their home a few years ago. The initial transition was painful. “I used to wait for their calls every day, we talk every day, and if I don’t get their calls, I’ll feel anxious.”
As time goes by, things change. “The conversation and phone calls are reduced, and I’m used to it. My eldest son would call randomly and ask, ‘How Amma makes that chutney’, a question that’s enough to make me feel needed,” she said. “We don’t talk every day, but I’m always feeling them, motherhood becomes quiet but never goes away.”
Raziya Shaik, 66, has entered a new mother season and becomes a grandmother. Her daughter lives in Pune and has two children. “Now, I am my mother and grandmother. Whenever I visit her, I sit on the couch and watch her running and scolding.
In these small daily moments, mothers often feel distance, and at the same time, they also make themselves feel satisfied with their children and manage themselves.
For Raziya, seeing her daughter’s role once brought pride and full emotion. “She did what I used to do, and when someone sneezes, added Halli, making stupid rhymes to get the kids to eat.
During each mother’s journey, she realizes that her children no longer need the way she used to be. It didn’t come suddenly, it slowly crawled in. When they stop asking you how to iron your shirt, they call once when they book their own tickets, manage their illnesses, or call once a week instead of daily.
Psychologists say empty nest syndrome is not a clinical diagnosis, but a very real emotional experience. It can bring about a mixture of loss, pride and disorientation, especially for mothers whose identities are shaped around care.
“When a child leaves the house, parents often feel a kind of sadness. It’s a mixture of pride and emptiness, both feelings are real, and when the child moves out, their feelings are normal because the changes and emotions of the routine take time to resolve,” said psychologist P. Jawaharlal Nehru.
Revathi Krishnan recalls an incident with his son. “My son was going on a trip with his friend, and I asked him if he wanted me to pack things for him and he said ‘It’s okay, I can do it.” “And I realized he no longer needed my way.
S. Lavanya’s daughter, who now lives in London, said: “We may not be in the same house or even the same country. But I still know when she was even upset by texting. I still wake up thinking about her, praying before she holds an important meeting, worrying that she has dinner. If she has supper. That part of the mother won’t change.
